Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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