that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
