It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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