Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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