I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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