So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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