i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
