dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
