turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
