well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
