Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants are for mortals
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize