Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
