the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
