tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
