i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose