and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
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Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
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My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
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