He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Girls should come with a carfax report
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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