On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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