I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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