I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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