This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
either way he was missing a nipple.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
