I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
