Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
