The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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