I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
