I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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