ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
