I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
