so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
