Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
