every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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