my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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