Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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