I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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