Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
