wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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