Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
