I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
