Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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