What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
