operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
