i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
