If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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