why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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