Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
