Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
