I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
