So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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