he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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