but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
