I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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