it's too hot outside to masturbate.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
