Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
