you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
