When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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