is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
