she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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