he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
