I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
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It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
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I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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