That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Randomize
