So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
