please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
