I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
