I got chris browned last night
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
