dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
