Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
