I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
