watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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