I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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