I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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