I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
