So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
