my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
