I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
