Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
