Cold hands, warm shart.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
