6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
True strength comes from lack of pants
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
