it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
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well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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