Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A+ Viking dick
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
