Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
